Thoughts on Being Haggard
Last Sunday, Rev. Ted Haggard, the founder of the New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado which has over 14,000 members, admitted to being "guilty of sexual immorality" after a gay man claimed to have had "drug-fueled trysts with him".
Haggard was a vocal opponent of same sex marriage and had preached that homosexual activity went against the teachings of the Bible.
Many bloggers and editorialists were quick to jump on Haggard as a hypocrite, which he certainly seems to be. But I couldn't help but feel sorry for Haggard. In a letter to his former congregation, Haggard wrote "I am a deceiver and a liar. There's a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life."
As a gay man that was raised in a conservative Christian family, I related to Haggard's desire to pretend to be something he's not; straight. I lied to the people I was closest to and hid my true feelings from them because I was told all my life that it was wrong to feel the things I did and that if I acted on the intractable feelings inside of me, I would be committing a deeply immoral act.
I came to accept that there is nothing wrong with me or with being gay. Poor Haggard is planning on entering counseling with James Dobson and two other men, and seems to have a nearly religious faith that these men will be able to give him the "healing and restoration" that his prayers were unable to provide. I believe Haggard, who has already tried so hard to fight against that which he finds repulsive, will find his sexuality unchanged.
I hope some day people like Haggard will be encouraged to use all of their talents for constructive purposes instead being pushed by society or their religion to fight an unwinnable and destructive war against themselves. Perhaps the members of his congregation that claim to love him so much will forgive him for the mistakes of his past and accept him as he is, without asking him to hide or try to change something he cannot. Perhaps some day soon, he will be able to do the same for himself. I hope so.
Haggard was a vocal opponent of same sex marriage and had preached that homosexual activity went against the teachings of the Bible.
Many bloggers and editorialists were quick to jump on Haggard as a hypocrite, which he certainly seems to be. But I couldn't help but feel sorry for Haggard. In a letter to his former congregation, Haggard wrote "I am a deceiver and a liar. There's a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life."
As a gay man that was raised in a conservative Christian family, I related to Haggard's desire to pretend to be something he's not; straight. I lied to the people I was closest to and hid my true feelings from them because I was told all my life that it was wrong to feel the things I did and that if I acted on the intractable feelings inside of me, I would be committing a deeply immoral act.
I came to accept that there is nothing wrong with me or with being gay. Poor Haggard is planning on entering counseling with James Dobson and two other men, and seems to have a nearly religious faith that these men will be able to give him the "healing and restoration" that his prayers were unable to provide. I believe Haggard, who has already tried so hard to fight against that which he finds repulsive, will find his sexuality unchanged.
I hope some day people like Haggard will be encouraged to use all of their talents for constructive purposes instead being pushed by society or their religion to fight an unwinnable and destructive war against themselves. Perhaps the members of his congregation that claim to love him so much will forgive him for the mistakes of his past and accept him as he is, without asking him to hide or try to change something he cannot. Perhaps some day soon, he will be able to do the same for himself. I hope so.
posted by Matt @ 7:00 PM
1 Comments:
At 8:11 PM,
Alex Kim said…
After the whole Haggard thing broke in the news, I was asked by someone if I thought this was going to be "good for the gay rights movement." I replied, "This is good for nobody, least of all Ted Haggard." I also really, really sympathize with him having grown up as an evangelical as well.
There's a book I'm reading called "Gay Theology Without Apology" wherein the author, an openly gay pastor in the United Church of Christ, writes:
"The church or any community is a dead and nonresurrected body without us. For lesbians and gay men to return to and live within the church without declaring, celebrating, and sharing their affectional identities would make as little sense as reading and remembering the Exodus story and omitting any references to slavery... our experience is vital and valuable for the church to know [its] mission of transforming pain and suffering... Without us the church is partial."
- Gary Comstock, p. 19
PS: Thanks for the congrats on TFA. I guess we're just going to be "switching places" at the end of this year, huh? Keep my seat warm, please! ;)
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